i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
