so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I understand Curling. That high.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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