I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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