I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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