The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
