Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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