I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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