saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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