my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
