I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
