ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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