i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
