Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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