I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
