JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I wish you could order shots online.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
