I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
