More tranny stories later!
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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