That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
