I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
they're like a gay fantastic four
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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