Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
