What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
