Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
