You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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