i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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