i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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