FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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