so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
