cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
