Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
