Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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