if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
