I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
