We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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