It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
