I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
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This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
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I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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