I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
