you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
