how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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