i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex on a roof
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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