seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize