I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
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First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
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Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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