She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
