no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
