Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
