You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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