I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
