At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
