video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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