Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
