have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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