Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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