Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
