The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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