So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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