i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
