Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
