things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
