maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Semen is not good for contacts.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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