Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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